20 Things Confident People Never Do.

Here are twenty things confident people never do:

1. Tell themselves stories

Confident people don’t lie to themselves. They don’t believe the negative thoughts like, “I’m too old,” or “I’m not smart enough,” or “I’m not attractive enough.” They don’t hide behind denial or limiting beliefs so they have an excuse to remain stuck in the status quo. They are real with themselves, even when the truth seems daunting.

2. Avoid speaking up

They have ideas and beliefs and can freely share them in personal and business settings. They have personal boundaries and can kindly communicate them to people who try to step past those boundaries. They don’t clam up for fear of saying the wrong thing, stepping on toes, or looking foolish. They’ve learned how to communicate with confidence in an emotionally mature way.

3. Let failure hold them back

Confident people understand failure is necessary for success. They know failure holds many lessons that can be used for the next attempt. Of course they feel the sting of failure and must take time to grieve it, but they are able to move past it and try again — as many times as necessary. Failure isn’t an excuse to quit.

4. Please others to win approval

They don’t compromise their own desires, goals, or needs in order to make others like them or approve of them. They don’t succumb to the “need to please.” They can tolerate the discomfort of disappointing others or not fitting in when it’s in their own best interest or allows them to be authentic.

5. Over-focus on appearance

When you’re self-confident, you have a healthy relationship with your appearance. You improve the things you can, put your best foot forward, and strive to be healthy and well-groomed. And then you accept yourself as you are. You understand appearance does not define you or reflect your ability to be successful. Confident people have enough self-respect to stay fit and eat healthy foods because they know their bodies deserve to be cared for properly.

6. Have poor body language

They don’t avoid eye contact. They don’t keep their arms crossed or heads down. They don’t forget to smile frequently or offer a firm handshake. They’ve learned that even when they aren’t feeling confident, their body language can help turn that around. They know by practicing confident body language, they are sending positive messages to their brains to reinforce the feelings confidence. And other people will view them as confident, which further empowers them.

7. Put others down to feel good

They don’t need to undermine other people or make negative comments about their success or wealth in order to build themselves up. They are genuinely happy for the successes of others and allow themselves to feel inspired by those successes. They don’t assume successful people have something special others don’t have. They look to other happy, successful people for ideas and motivation to create this same success occur in their lives.

8. Try to hide their mistakes

People with self-confidence know that mistakes are inevitable, and they are quick to own up to them. They apologize when necessary and do what needs to be done to fix the situation. They don’t cast blame elsewhere or try to pretend the mistake wasn’t really a mistake. They take full responsibility for their actions and decisions.

9. Settle for mediocre

Self-assured people have a vision for what they want, and they go for it. They don’t hold back and allow their fears to keep them from trying. They push themselves to go above and beyond. They set the bar high for themselves and demand excellence. They know they are as deserving of the best in work and life as anyone else.

10. Avoid connecting with others

Staying isolated and disconnected is a sign of low self-confidence. You don’t want to put yourself out there in front of others because you don’t want them to see you fail, look foolish, or pass judgement on you. With self-confidence, you don’t avoid connecting with others. You seek it out. You see the value in having a community of people with whom you share ideas, friendships, partnerships, and inspiration. You reach out and intentionally make these connections.

11. Resist learning new things

Those with confidence want to be life-long learners. Even when they are experts in their fields, they have a learner’s mindset, knowing there is so much more in life to achieve and so many ways to grow. They aren’t entrenched in old ways of doing things or old beliefs about what is right or best. They look for ways to stretch themselves through new endeavors.

12. Focus more on weaknesses than strengths

Many people think they should put more time into strengthening their weaknesses. Those with confidence understand that success comes with continuing to improve upon your strengths. They are able to accept their own weaknesses gracefully, and put more time and effort into endeavors where they know they’ll have more likelihood of success. They maximize their time and energy this way and don’t feel bad about it.

13. Compromise their values

Having defined core values gives you foundational principles for anything you pursue in life. Living in alignment with these values ensures you will never compromise yourself or what you hold dear. With confidence, you use these values as you make decisions in your life and work, even if it means giving up something desirable in the short term.

14. Avoid seeking help when they need it

When you are confident, you don’t feel “lesser than” when you need help or support. You recognize that asking for help is a sign of strength and self-worth, not weakness. When you have a problem you can’t figure out or you’re dealing with unexpected painful emotions, you don’t hesitate to reach out to a friend or professional.

15. Ignore their own intuition and judgement

Self-confident people don’t assume other people have all the answers or know best. They value their own good judgement and listen to their own intuition. They  recognize they have the ability to come up with the answers for most situations on their own. They can seek input and guidance, but also can feel comfortable making a final decision when the time comes.

16. Neglect to improve their skills

So much of low self-confidence comes from not having the skills or training needed for great success. Those with confidence see clearly what they need to do to improve their chances of success, and they are willing to commit the time and energy into improving their skills, advancing their training, or getting more education in order to be more confident in their abilities.

17. Try to change their personality

You can be an introvert or an extravert and still be confident. You can be a left-brained or a right-brained thinker and still be confident. Confident people understand that self-assurance comes from feeling good about who you are and what you can achieve by being completely authentic. They don’t try to be someone they’re not. Self-acceptance is a vital element of self-confidence.

18. Look to their love relationship to fulfill them

People with low self-confidence often have poor relationships since they feel needy and insecure. Because they aren’t confident in themselves, they hope they’ll be fulfilled by getting constant reassurance and attention from their partner. But people who are self-assured understand they need to love and respect themselves in order to have a strong and healthy love relationship. They are willing to learn the skills of emotional intelligence and healthy communication and conflict resolution.

19. Over-complicate their lives

Often when we’re lacking confidence, we create an “adrenaline fueled” lifestyle in order to avoid facing our insecurities or act on our deepest desires. Confident people know what they want in each area of their lives and find a way to balance and prioritize. They are comfortable making hard decisions and saying no to some things in life in order to experience the best of what they want the most.

20. Assume they are done improving their confidence

Living with confidence requires a lifetime commitment to practicing the skills of confidence. Those who understand this realize there will be times in life when their strength will be tested, when they will falter and fail. But they have an arsenal of skills to draw from in order to boost their own confidence when they are down. They recognize the tremendous value of these skills because they know how powerful self-confidence is and how profoundly it has upgraded their life.

Ways To Slow and Prevent Aging !!

1. Be happy The physical damage caused to your body by stress has only recently become appreciated by the scientific community. Fill your life with things you love and get rid of almost everything else. Practice stress relieving activities like meditation and exercise, and learn to appreciate joy when you find it. Happiness does a body good.
2. Eat vegetables There is good evidence that oxidative damage caused by toxins and metabolism contributes to the aging process at a cellular level. Foods (but not supplements) high in antioxidants seem to protect us from oxidative stress.
3. Avoid sugar Sugar is a direct cause of aging and significantly reduces lifespan in organisms from yeast to primates. Not by a small amount either.
4. Moisturize The appearance of your skin is largely dependent upon moisture. Help it out by using moisturizers to keep your skin soft and hydrated. Work with a professional to determine what type is best for you.
5. Don’t raise your eyebrows Credit my mother for teaching me this one, it has been a lifesaver. As a kid she used to warn me about raising my eyebrows, saying it would give me wrinkles and I’d regret it. I thought she was crazy, but still learned to express myself without much forehead crinkling. As a result I have far fewer forehead lines than some people years younger than me.
6. Sleep For me the most important determinant of how I look (and feel) on a given day is how much sleep I get. Seven hours is my ideal, but everyone is different.
7. Eat fish Some evidence suggests that the omega-3 fatty acids found in fish are particularly beneficial to the skin.
8. Wear sunscreen I love the sun and spend as much time in it as possible, but I never walk out the door without sunscreen on my face. UV radiation from the sun damages your skin and promotes aging.
9. Don’t smoke Smoking is one of the easiest ways to look older than you really are and shorten your life at the same time. Avoid both primary and secondary smoke like the plague.
10. Step out of your comfort zone Mental exercise seems to be one of the key elements of quality aging, but this doesn’t mean you should sit around all day doing crossword puzzles. 
11. Take vitamin D Some research suggests that vitamin D may be particularly important in slowing the aging process. The jury is still out on the value of vitamin D supplements for aging, but they seem to have enough other benefits that it’s worth the investment.
12. Eat fruit Like vegetables, fruits have an enormous amount of antioxidants and help with hydration. Vitamin C in particular is thought to benefit skin.
13. No foundation or powder makeup Generally I avoid putting any makeup directly onto my skin. I realize I have a very flexible work environment and this is not possible for every woman, but skipping the makeup does help maintain your skin’s hydration and elasticity. I do wear makeup occasionally, maybe once or twice per week. But in general I find that mascara and lip gloss are enough for most situations.
14. Hydrate Your skin is very sensitive to water levels. Stay hydrated by sipping water and eating fruits and vegetables throughout the day.
15. Whiten teeth I know this isn’t something you can find at the farmers market, but when you drink as much coffee and red wine as I do, minor (and admittedly superficial) fixes like teeth whitening can go a long way. If you don’t believe me, try and remember the last time you saw a 20-year-old with yellow teeth….
16. Wear sunglasses If you’re a happy person (and I know you are), your wrinkles will most likely be caused by smiling and show up predominantly around your eyes. Block out extra sun (and look super cool) by always wearing sunglasses when you go outside.
17. Eat beans and lentils Legumes are a fabulous source of minerals that can help keep your skin hydrated and looking young.
18. Tea Afternoon tea time is one of the greatest discoveries I’ve ever made. Not only is tea full of antioxidants and other cancer-fighting compounds, a midday break can be just what the doctor ordered to sip away stress.
19. Cardio I’m not the biggest believer in cardio exercise for weight loss, but it is still important for vascular health. Not to mention how awesome you feel after a good session. Cardio doesn’t need to kill you, but you should do it regularly.
20. Strength training Building strong, toned muscles is one of the most effective ways to look younger than your years. Ask anyone who looks fabulous and they’ll swear by strength training. A little goes a long way.
21. Eat intact whole grains Intact grains (not fake “whole” grains that are ground into flour) are an excellent source of vitamins, minerals and soluble fiber. They are also perfect fuel for those killer workouts.
22. Olive oil It is hard to think of something more versatile, healthy and delicious than olive oil. It breaks my heart that dietary fat got such a bad rap the past few decades, since the benefits of healthy fats like olive oil are innumerable. Fat isn’t just “not bad” for you, it’s essential.
23. Kill your television We all have things we enjoy watching (I’m partial to NBA championship teams), but if it takes up a significant amount of your time each week (>5 hrs) it may be time to reevaluate. How many years of your life do you really want to spend on your couch?
24. Don’t stuff yourself Cutting back on calories is the single most effective way to slow aging and extend life. I don’t advise starving yourself, but it’s a good idea to avoid overeating in any situation.
25. Eat nuts Nuts are the perfect snack food and are filled with anti-aging fats, vitamins and minerals. They are also great for suppressing appetite–just don’t eat more than a handful.
26. Avoid dairy Studies of aging skin have shown that milk and milk products are associated with acne, which can lead to scaring and age spots.
27. Avoid processed meats Processed meats are associated with many different health problems in humans. No need to get too hung up on this, but you may not want to eat deli meat every single day if you want to stay young.
28. No processed carbohydrates Just like sugar, processed carbohydrates are a direct cause of aging and disease. I eat these things occasionally, but don’t let it happen too often.
29. Coconut oil Fats come in all different shapes and sizes, and I try to incorporate a good mix of all of them. Medium-chain fatty acids like those found in coconut oil are starting to be recognized as important by researchers, but the evidence is limited. Coconut oil is also a healthy source of saturated fat for vegetarians. I always use coconut oil when cooking Southeast Asian food.

How to Stop Being Nervous All the Time !!!

Nervousness occurs in a variety of life situations: before or during some critical events, at the moment of tedious waiting, when communicating with people.

In this post I will tell you how to stop being nervous, what are the methods of controlling nervousness.

Nervousness can be caused by both physiological and psychological causes.

Causes of Nervousness and Anxiety

Physiological causes occur when nervousness is caused by our physical health state. For example, our fatigue level can affect our nervousness level. Nervousness may arise from hunger, lack of vitamins, lack of sleep.

Psychological causes of nervousness are connected with the psychological state. Lack of self-confidence, pessimism,shyness, feelings of uncertainty, fear of failure – all these can become causes of nervousness.

Very often these two types of causes appear along with one another which is why, an integrated approach aimed at work with both causes is needed in order to stop being nervous.

It is important to understand that nervousness is caused by internal factors more than by external conditions.

Nervousness is our response to what’s happening around us. And the way we respond to depends mainly on us.

That is why different people respond differently to the same situations. Someone gets nervous when talking to a few people, but someone remains calm when he has to deliver a presentation in front of a huge crowd.

Of course, there are situations that will make both of them be nervous. We cannot always influence the run of these events, but we can improve what we have inside to change the response to the events of the external world: stop being nervous and worry over nothing.

You cannot always avoid stressful situations. For this, you will have not to go to work, not to drive a car and not to leave the house at all. Stress accompanies every human life, and there’s no escaping. Therefore we will refine ourselves.

Some people may think that being nervous and worrying in front of people during important meetings – it’s natural, “normal.” People who used to get nervous and take it as a norm think this way. But it is not so: anxiety is not a norm. By refining yourself you can get rid of nervousness and feel yourself much calmer in stressful situations.

It’s the first thing you have to understand, before we go further.

There is no Point in Being Nervous

The second thing you have to understand is that there is no point to be troubled and nervous.

Despite the fact that nervousness or anxiety, like fear, can manifest themselves as protective mechanisms that make us respond to potentially dangerous situations – most often these states get an absurd form.

For example, this happens in those cases when we are nervous in front of people or worried before the interview. After all, these situations are not dangerous; therefore there is no need to worry!

Any man is more self-collected, organized and his mind works better in those moments when he is quiet and keeps himself well in hand.

When we are nervous, we find it hard to concentrate and think. We splutter and our body begins showing unnecessary physical activity. If we go on a job interview or some meeting, it can greatly interfere.

We may forget something important. Because of unexpected questions we will have our brain freeze. Besides the appearance of a nervous person: inconsistent tone, moving pupils, sharp gestures – all these can adversely affect the impression, which the man makes on the others.

A constant and chronic nervousness badly influences your health and manifests the cause of many diseases.

Anxiety gives us nothing; it only hinders our development. Therefore, we should get rid of it and we can do it.

Practiсe – Tips and Advice

The practical part of the article will consist of several parts:

• Preparation – What you need to do to prepare your body for a possible stress and be less nervous, for example, during an important meeting.
• Self-control on a real time basis – How to control yourself in a stressful situation
• Dealing with the consequences – How to calm down after the stress
• Prophylactic Treatment – How to teach your body not to respond to stress

Training

If you are nervous before some important event or activity, then it is time to be prepared not to allow anxiety negatively affecting the course of events. The more self-collected and concentrated you are, the greater will your chances of success be.

This applies to job interviews, important meetings, negotiations, dates, sporting events, etc. What shall you do if you are unable to pull yourself together in front of one of such events?

Do not Dramatize

If you’re worried about something, very often this “something” appears to be a trifle, a harmless thing. Will you not take the job? So what? You will find another. Will you look ridiculous in front of people? So what? What do you care what other people will think of you?

Consider every vital issue in some context of your whole life and of extended period of time, instead of the perspective of immediate necessity. For example, you worry about that the girl you like will refuse to meet you.

So what? In a few months you will surely forget her and you will meet another girl. If you fall in love with someone, it does not mean that he/she is the person of your whole life.

Try to think about the situations that make you feel anxiety. Try to think over coolly and calmly. Many problems seem to be serious and significant, at first glance, but if you think about them better, their significance disappears at once.

Unexpected baying of dogs can scare you, but if you pull yourself together and assess the situation, it may appear that the dog is on the other side of the iron fence, attached to a chain and it barks not at you at all.

As well as human problems: suddenness can be confusing, but once you look closer, everything is getting better than it seemed to be from the very beginning.

If you are unable to reflect on the object of your worries quietly (most likely it will be so), and you are still worried and still keep the same thoughts under your hat – then do not think about the upcoming situation at all.

Keep your mind off this. It’s not all that simple: annoying thoughts will attack you again and again.

Try not to become obsessed with them, switch to something else every time they occur. The exercises given by me below will help you cope with these difficulties.

And remember, there is no sense to be nervous.

But telling yourself to calm down is not always enough, because your organism still responds to stress, as it is used to respond, no matter what you may think and no matter how you are winding yourself up. So you need to work with your body.

Relax your Whole Body

Relaxed body = a quiet mind. Yoga and many relaxation techniques are based on this principle. This truth has long been known by people who are able to control themselves.

Try to direct your attention to the muscles and relax the tension in them. If you get it, you will feel calmer and more relaxed.

Eliminate Nervous Gestures

Stop going back and forth in nervous anticipation. Stop biting your nails, running fingers through your hair, running out to smoke every 10 minutes – in a word, stop doing things your body does when you are nervous.

Sit down quietly and motionless, relax. Watch yourself.

Breathe with your Stomach

When people are nervous, they breathe with their chest. Thus, breath is increased and intermittent. In order to calm down, you should breathe smoothly with your stomach at regular intervals. The technique is used in traditional medicine, as well as in ancient practices like yoga. The so-called diaphragmatic breathing has long been proven to be effective.

After a smoked cigarette a smoker feels relaxation, not only because of the nicotine action. He inhales and exhales slowly, thereby he stabilizes his breath and he calms down.
Take the advantage of this effect, but without cigarettes.

How to breathe with your diaphragm? Sitting in a quiet and motionless posture, place your hand on your stomach (this is necessary for self-control; later, when you will learn the technique, you will have to do it no more).

You have to breathe in and out at equal time duration. For example, inhale 5 seconds – exhale 5 seconds. You can hold your breath between inhalation and exhalation. Inhale – 5 seconds, holding the breath – 2 seconds, exhale – 5 seconds, holding the breath – 2 seconds.

Do the exercises with or without delays – as you wish. The hand, which lies on your stomach, goes up and down in time with your stomach movement, while chest remains motionless. It is important!

When you will learn to breathe with stomach, there will be no necessary to keep your hand on it (stomach).

Try to keep the attention on breath and on intervals between inhalation and exhalation. Do not be distracted by foreign thoughts and silently count to yourself.

A single session can last from 2 to 5 minutes, and can take longer depending on your feelings.

This is a very effective exercise that always helps me when I want to calm down and pull myself together. Try doing it when you are strained, feel the instant relaxation that the simple practice gives to you!

Self-control on a Real Time Basis

So, all eyes are on you. During an event, job interview or a meeting you do not always have the opportunity to sit down, relax and try to pull yourself together. You need to speak and answer to the questions in a timely manner. What shall you do in such situations?

Watch your facial expressions, gestures and intonation

Watch your body. Make sure that your movements are glide, speech tempo is constant and facial muscles are relaxed. If you notice that you began to speak quickly or make too many sudden movements, stop yourself.

Your goal is to make sure that your appearance expresses complete serenity. The inner tranquility creates the exterior one, and vice versa. The quieter your posture and facial expression are, the quieter you are inside. Human emotions are connected with the body by a positive feedback.

That is why people are advised to smile more often: if a person tries to portray some emotion on his face, then he begins to feel that emotion. You can check it by yourself. Smile to someone!

Why you need to watch yourself? Because when you watch your body and its movements and when you try to control them, you remain alert for what is going on inside you.

As though, you keep your mind away from emotions by changing it to the position of an outside observer. This is a good way to keep some distance between your true ego and feelings of the present moment. It allows you to keep your concentration and tranquility.

Some emotional storm may rage within you, but your mind will still be quiet. Perhaps it is difficult to understand by those who have never experienced it. But this ability comes with practice of self-control.

Take your Time

Haste never brings to good. It is able to provoke nervousness and distracted attention. Haste is the need to do something quickly, but, as a rule, it does not have any positive impact on the speed of particular task implementation.

When you rush, you start fussing, abruptly switching from one subject to another. In this state, you can easily forget something, not to finish some business, leaving it for another task. This will negatively affect the result quality.

Therefore, do not hurry, even if time is running out and someone hurry you up (this is done by those people who do not understand that one should not hurry). Do everything in your natural speed: quietly, measured and collected.

Carefully prepare for your performances, do not hurry to answer the questions as soon as possible, your speech should not be very fast.

Dealing with the Consequences

Everything is over! Relax and do not forget about the subjunctive “if” (“if I spoke better”, “if it had not slipped my mind”). If you failed to pull yourself together and you were very worried, in spite of all your efforts – do not be upset.

Self-control is not an easy task and requires a long and hard work on yourself. Analyze your mistakes, but do not dwell on them.

Relax and clean up your breath. Diaphragmatic breathing will help you relieve nervous tension.

Follow the Sleep Schedule

Permanent lack of sleep badly affect your health and, in particular, your nervous system. Make sure you sleep at least 8 hours each day. It is desirable to sleep in one and the same time. The main principle is regularity and proper duration.

More than 8 hours sleep is not recommended as well.

Compliance with the sleep schedule does wonders! It makes you more energetic, alert and increases your resistance to stress.

Eat Healthy Food

Eat a balanced and varied food. Your body needs to get a full range of vitamins. Eat less fried and fast food. Use more food that contains the necessary substances for your nervous system (magnesium, vitamin B, zinc, antioxidants): wholegrain food, nuts, various fruits and vegetables.

Drink more water. Dehydration can provoke a stress.

Be engaged in physical activity

Move more, and spend your time outdoors as much as possible. Try to rest from the computer when you have such opportunity.

Go in for sports. Sport strengthens the body and relieves tension and stress very well.

Meditate, Practice Yoga

First, a single session of meditation helps you relax very well. Second, regular practice increases your resistance to stress.

That is why the imperturbable tranquility became the visiting card of a skilled yogi or of an experienced adherent of meditation.

In comparison with yoga, the newcomer will need no special place and an experienced instructor nearby in order to meditate. You can meditate anywhere. It is very easy to learn the basics of meditation and even an inexperienced person can do it.

Get Rid of Bad Habits

Despite the fact that smoking and alcohol can calm you down for a short time, the substances contained in cigarettes, alcohol and other drugs adversely affect your nervous system.

The more and more often you use alcohol and other drugs, the more your body is subjected to stress in daily life.Drink less coffee! Caffeine triggers the release of stress hormones in your body.

Try not to Create Stressful Situations by Yourself

When I was at university, I always squandered the study time. At the examination time I was totally unprepared and knew nothing. I was hoping that I’m lucky, that I will be able to write off or pass the examination in any original way.

In such a situation you can be sure of nothing. Because of my lack of responsibility, every time I risked my expulsion from the university. Such prospects make you very nervous. Each examination turned into a big hassle for me, because I was not prepared.

I have been guilty of having created such a stressful situation. I had the opportunity to get prepared for examinations and to attend lectures, in order to be sure of a successful test results. If I did it, I would have saved a lot of my nerve cells.

I have made the following conclusion from this story: do not create unnecessary stressful situations by yourself! Do everything in time, so you do not have to do things in a hurry and be nervous.

• Get ready for the important meetings and talks in advance, so that you could have fewer reasons to blush.
• Think ahead and always keep in mind a ready action plan. Follow the plan.

What’s Your Anger Style?

Anger Style: Explosive

What it looks like: "If you leave your jacket on the floor one more time, I'm leaving you!" It may take a lot to push you over the edge, but when you get there, the earth shakes and people run for cover.
Why you might do it: If you were never taught how to deal with irritation, you may habitually swallow it until you can swallow no more. Eventually your top will blow. Some people are anger junkies, who get off on the adrenaline rush of an emotional explosion, not to mention the fact that the onslaught can mean they get their way―at least in the short term.
The damage: It is virtually impossible to feel empathy and anger simultaneously, so in the heat of the moment, you are more likely to say and do overly harsh things that you later regret.

How to Turn It Around

• Wait it out. "Research has shown that the neurological anger response lasts less than two seconds," says Ronald Potter-Efron, Ph.D., an anger-management specialist in Eau Claire, Wisconsin, and a coauthor of Letting Go of Anger. Beyond that, it takes a commitment to stay angry. Mentally recite the Pledge of Allegiance or count to 10 and see if the urge to explode has diminished.
• Own your emotions. A simple rephrasing of your feelings can help you feel more in control. "I'm really upset by your behavior" is much more effective and empowering than %#*&@!.

Anger Style: Self-Abuse

What it looks like: "It's my fault he doesn't help me. I'm a terrible wife." You find a way to make everything your fault, every single time.
Why you might do it: Somewhere along the line, your self-esteem took a beating and you decided that sometimes it's just safer and easier to be mad at yourself than at someone else.
The damage: Constantly turning angry feelings inward can set you up for continued disappointments and even depression.

How to Turn It Around

• Question yourself. Every time you feel the urge to assume blame, start by asking yourself, "Who told me I was responsible for this?" Then ask, "Do I really believe that?" Instead of accepting all responsibility, thank yourself for recognizing the pattern in the first place.
• Work on your self-worth. Make a list of your positive qualities. Developing a genuine sense of worthiness is a critical step in overcoming self-blame. Seek out a professional if you need more help in working around this issue.

Anger Style: Avoidance

What it looks like: "I'm fine. It's fine. Everything's fine." Even when there's a fireball of rage burning in your gut, you paste on a happy face and dodge any display of irritation. This isn't passive aggression; it's buried aggression.
Why you might do it: "Women in particular are told over and over again to be nice no matter what. Get angry and you could lose your reputation, marriage, friends, or job," says Potter-Efron. If you grew up in a volatile or abusive home, you may not believe anger can be controlled or expressed calmly.
The damage: The primary function of anger is to signal that something is amiss and encourage resolution. By ignoring that warning sign, you may end up engaging in self-destructive behaviors (overeating, excessive shopping). You're also basically giving the green light to other people's bad behavior or denying them the opportunity to make amends. How can they apologize if they don't know you've been hurt?

How to Turn It Around

• Challenge your core beliefs. Ask yourself, "Is it really fine for my employees to leave early whenever they want? For my partner to go golfing every weekend?" If you're honest, the resounding answer to these questions is probably "You know what? It's not fine." Recognizing that something is wrong is the first step to setting it right. 
• Step outside yourself. Imagine that a friend is the one being abused, overworked, or neglected. What would be the appropriate way for her to respond? Make a list of actions she might take, then ask yourself why it is OK for her, but not you, to react that way. 
• Embrace healthy confrontation. Someone ticked you off? Tell the person―in a positive, constructive way. Yes, he or she might be surprised, possibly even (gasp!) angered, by your words. And you know what? He or she will get over it. "Avoidance often does more damage to families and friendships than any expression of anger," says Potter-Efron.

Anger Style: Sarcasm

What it looks like: "It's OK that you're late. I had time to read the menu―40 times." You find a roundabout way of getting your digs in, with a half smile. 
Why you might do it: You were probably raised to believe that expressing negative emotions directly isn't OK, so you take a more indirect route. If folks get mad, it's their fault, not yours. After all, you were just kidding. Can't people take a joke? 
The damage: Even though couched in wit, your cutting comments can damage your relationships. Although some people insist that mockery is a form of intellectual humor, the very word sarcasm is related to the Greek word sarkazein, meaning "to tear flesh like dogs." Ouch. 

How to Turn It Around

• Give it to them straight. "Sarcasm is passive-aggressive communication," explains Todd. Find words to express how you feel head-on. You might explain to a tardy friend, say, after you're seated, "I wish you would try to be on time, especially when you know we have limited time."
• Be firm and clear. This is especially true with children, to whom a gentle "Jumping on the furniture is not acceptable" sends a much clearer message than the snarky "Don't worry―we just happen to have $2,000 set aside for a new sofa."
• Speak up before you get bitter. Exercising assertiveness prior to arriving at your breaking point can help prevent a sarcastic streak from popping out.

Anger Style: Passive-Aggressive

What it looks like: "Oops. Did I delete all those old baseball games from the TiVo?" You don't hide or swallow your anger, but you express it in an underhanded way.
Why you might do it: You dislike confrontation, but you're no pushover, either. "People become 'anger sneaks' when they believe they can't stand up to others," says Potter-Efron. Some people who are cautious by nature turn to this style when they feel pushed outside their comfort zones.
The damage: You frustrate people. Todd puts it another way: "You're living your life around making sure other people don't get what they want, instead of striving for what would make you happy." The bottom line: No one wins.

How to Turn It Around

• Give yourself permission to get angry. Tell yourself that anger is your psyche's way of saying you're tired of being pushed around. A mantra: Assertiveness is fine; aggression (passive or otherwise) is not.
• Advocate for yourself. Instead of "forgetting" to turn in your report at work or showing up late to meetings, gather your courage and tell your boss that your workload has gotten too heavy or that you're having an issue with a coworker. It won't be easy, but neither is looking for another job.
• Take control. If you turn to passive aggression when you're uncomfortable with what's expected of you, it's important to do something to take the reins of your situation. Unable to manage the house or the finances solo? Rather than doing a haphazard job of it (subconsciously, of course), tell your partner how important it is that he contributes.
   

Anger Style: Habitual Irritation

What it looks like: "I am sick and tired of you borrowing my stapler! Get your own!" This is often less a reaction to events and more a default option. It's always on unless you consciously turn it off.
Why you might do it: If your discontent dwells directly below the surface and is constantly seeping through, there's probably resentment, regret, or frustration boiling beneath. Maybe your coworker got the promotion and you didn't. Or your marriage is falling apart and you're not sure why.
The damage: If you're always ready to blow, friends, family, and coworkers may take great pains to avoid upsetting you. Or they may avoid you altogether. The most likely result? No progress―you stay stuck in the same vicious cycle.
How to Turn It Around

• Get to the heart of it. What are you really mad about? If you dig deep, you'll realize it probably isn't about a stapler―or dirty socks on the floor, or an empty milk carton in the refrigerator, or any of the other small things that make you so frustrated. Consider professional intervention if you can't get to the bottom of it on your own.
• Tune in to anger clues. Become aware of the actions and feelings associated with your irritation. When you're enraged, do you ball your hands into fists? Pace around the room? Grumble, swear, or grit your teeth? As you identify and experience each physiological response, make a mindful effort to do something―anything―else.
• Visualize peace. Try this technique to stop rising anger before it overtakes you. Imagine your breath as a wave, a surge of color, or even a breeze. Watch it come in and out; optimally each breath will be deep and quiet. Hear yourself speaking calmly and softly to yourself and to others. Your anger reflex should diminish another degree each time you do this imaging.